I remember the first time I took the ACEs test.
Ten simple questions.
A lifetime behind them.
By the time I finished, my score stared back at me: 9 out of 10.
If you’re familiar with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), you know what that number means. Statistically, it places me at a significantly higher risk for just about everything—chronic health issues, mental health struggles, substance use, even early death.
On paper, I wasn’t supposed to “make it.”
But here’s the truth no score can fully capture:
I did.
What an ACEs Score Really Represents
An ACEs score isn’t just a number—it’s a snapshot of what a child had to survive.
Abuse.
Neglect.
Household dysfunction.
Chaos where there should have been safety.
For many of us, childhood wasn’t about innocence—it was about endurance.
If you’ve never taken the test, you can find it here:
👉 https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean
But before you take it, let me say this clearly:
Your score explains you. It does not define you.
A Score of 9 Means…
It means I grew up in survival mode.
It means I learned how to read a room before I learned how to relax.
It means I carried responsibilities no child should carry.
It means I experienced things that changed the way my brain, body, and nervous system developed.
It means I had every reason to fall apart.
And for a while—I did.
But Here’s What the Score Doesn’t Measure
It doesn’t measure resilience.
It doesn’t measure the nights I chose to keep going when quitting felt easier.
It doesn’t measure the way I rebuilt myself—piece by piece.
It doesn’t measure healing, growth, or faith.
It doesn’t measure the woman I became.
Because somewhere along the way, I stopped asking, “Why did this happen to me?”
And started asking, “What can I do with what I’ve survived?”
From Survival to Purpose
My story didn’t end in that score.
I became a mother.
An advocate.
A voice for people who feel invisible.
A professor.
A survivor who refuses to stay silent.
I turned pain into purpose—not because it was easy, but because staying stuck hurt more.
And let me be honest—healing isn’t linear.
It’s messy.
It’s triggering.
It’s exhausting some days.
But it’s also powerful.
If Your Score Is High…
I see you.
If you’ve taken that test and felt your stomach drop—like your future just got predicted in the worst way—I need you to hear this:
You are not a statistic waiting to happen.
Yes, ACEs impact us.
Yes, trauma leaves marks.
But healing rewrites outcomes.
Support rewires the brain.
Safe relationships restore what was broken.
And awareness? That’s where everything begins.
I Am Not My Score
My ACEs score is part of my story.
But it is not the ending.
I am not a number.
I am not my past.
I am not what happened to me.
I am what I chose to become despite it all.
Final Thought
If no one has told you this:
You can come from chaos and still create peace.
You can come from brokenness and still build something whole.
You can have a score of 9—and still rise.
I did.
And you can too.
— Chrissie 💛
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